Never in all my life have I been so low. Everything is coming together in the most horrible combination that I don't even know where to begin solving my problems. Much of it is my fault and I have no one to blame. Were Hell a place I didn't fear then I may have already done the unthinkable and that if I do only makes things worse for everyone else. This is a phase, not eternal damnation. At the end of every tunnel is the light, and I will get through this. Though not knowing how long this tunnel will last is, yet, another thought that deepens the state of my sadness. I hope with every fiber of my being that I can outlast the feelings of helplessness and self loathing. I feel that my very life and future depends on the strength of my character through the coming months. This is, indeed, a cry for help! To the faceless masses of the anonymous, a way for me to vent my thoughts and feelings. I can't ask for anymore help from my friends and family, I've asked too much, much more than I deserve.
Please don't think that I'm subject to emotional ups and downs because of my previous posts. I'm just at my wits end, but I cannot and will not let this get the better of me.
Hey Panduh-
ReplyDeleteLet's ride this out together, ok? Thanks so much for checking in on me tonight. I know that dark place with the closing in feeling too well.
I'm still working on the letter; I may not post it until later tomorrow. The best I can tell you right now is that, for me, the fog is lifting. It's good to feel lighter, but so, so sobering to reflect on how I made the unthinkable seem so very logical.
You're exactly right about the phase. Feelings are temporary. Honest to God, they do pass. Let's not choose a permanent condition to solve a phase.
By the way, your pup is adorable. It's good to have a warm friend nearby! (Also, the old tune says, 'The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle.' Is it true?) I'll be watching for you~ Still Here
Welcome home. Baby steps sounds like a good strategy to me, too. Look forward to hearing your next post~Still Here
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